This isn't racist, right?
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: What if you let DW characters behind the wheel?


**Takasugi pops his head in front of your screen. **

**"Okay! How about a little fun with the DW characters? Let's have them meet Jackie Chan!" Voices are heard behind him.**

**"That's racist!" **

**"No, it isn't! Ugh...fine. ****I guess it's like if we made Samurai Warrior characters meet George Takei. We'll indirectly insult them. How about them driving cars that in no way is going to debunk the "Asians are horrible drivers" stereotype. And considering they don't know what cars are, it'll be worse."**

**"You're going in the cars with them."**

**"What if I die?! Hello?" **

* * *

**Cao Cao: He keeps going and stopping because of him pressing the two pads in rhythm. **

**"Stop it! You're making me sick! Just put your foot on the go pad depending on how fast you want to go!"**

**"I thought it goes once you press it."**

**"You have to hold it."**

**Cao Pi: He just sits there with Takasugi.**

**"What are you doing?"**

**"Isn't this thing supposed to go by itself?"**

**"You have to put your hands on the wheel and press the acceleration."**

**"You called this an automatic carriage!"**

**"It was the only way to put it in your language, you spoiled brat!"**

**Dian Wei: He steps on the brakes at one stop light, breaking it.**

**"Do you know how much brakes cost these days?!"**

**Xu Chu: He sits on the car seat to have him break through the bottom of the car.**

**"...More repairs..."**

**Xiahou Yuan: He drives fine and he takes out his bow.**

**"I wonder if I can make it. Tell me what to shoot."**

**"We're not committing a drive-by shooting! With a bow and arrow..."**

**"Come on, I won't hit a person."**

**"Hit that M in the McDonald's sign." Xiahou Yuan lets go of the wheel and shoots the M right in the middle. **

**"Yes!" The car swerves off the road and crashes into that McDonald's. **

**Cao Ren: He drives fine but forgets there are no horses. He hits the car with his free leg.**

**"Hitting it won't make it go faster. Trust me."**

**Li Dian: He messes around with the buttons in the car than actual driving.**

**"Oh! This button makes this chair warm! This one makes these weird arms swipe against the window. This one makes this car filled with music that I can't understand."**

**Xiahou Dun: It just so happens that the car gets caught in traffic.**

**"Grr! Why are these other automatic carriages going so slow?! Is there a giant monster at the end blocking them or something?!"**

**"Life's greatest mysteries. I sometimes wonder that too. Hey! What are you doing?" Xiahou Dun drives the car knocking away other cars and eventually drives off the road and onto a sidewalk.**

**"What are you doing?! This is the sidewalk!"**

**"Not that many carriages here."**

**"Duh! This is where people walk! God, I hope the police didn't catch this..."**

**Yue Jin: He starts to speed down the street, passing red lights.**

**"You're supposed to stop!"**

**"But I'm feeling that high when you race down with a horse! Except, well, this is a automatic carriage."**

**"I seriously need to get "car" into everyone's vocabularies."**

**Wang Yi: She attempts to run over any pedestrian, but Takasugi turns the wheel just in time when she does.**

**"You don't do that here! Only in GTA you could!"**

**Cai Wenji: She drives very slow.**

**"Look, you're not going to hit anyone. Just press onto the acceleration with medium force."**

**"It's not that. I'm pressing as hard as I can, but this thing is moving slow." The car stops completely and Takasugi curses himself.**

**"Damn, I forgot to refuel."**

**Zhen Ji: She just sits there with Takasugi.**

**"Come on! You too?! You have to put your hands on the thing and drive!"  
**

**"You said this was automatic!"**

**"I meant it meaning this doesn't use horses! Huff... I guess I can't expect a pampered princess to drive..."**

**Guo Jia: He was doing fine until he sees some cute girls on the sidewalk and drives near them.**

**"Those girls are in high school."**

**"Meaning...?"**

**"They're about 15, 16."**

**"Ah! Nevermind!" He drives back onto the road.**

**Jia Xu: He didn't want to do it and just wanted to listen to the radio.**

**"Look, you need to do something to fill up this 30 minute time spot."**

**"But I want to know why does this man is singing about "banging" women and partying. This sounds like Guo Jia, to be honest, except he doesn't have a deep voice."**

**Zhang He: He can't fit into the car and had to be bent over while driving. **

**"Doing great there. Is your back okay?"**

**"I'm fine. Though I used to riding on a horse..." A car filled with teenagers driving by yelled out "gay" when they drove near that car. **

**"I forgot kids are cruel these days..."**

**Pang De: Same thing with Zhang He except he also crushed the wheel.**

**"Damn, you need to control your strength, I'm surprised a horse hasn't die under your care."**

**"A few have, to be honest..." **

**Yu Jin: He drives very fast because he puts all his strength onto the acceleration pad.**

**"Hey, hey! Slow down! There are speed limits!"**

**"This seat is so goddamn hot!"**

**"Oh yeah, Li Dian played with the seat warmer and a lot of people sat there. But if you don't slow down, the authorities will pull us over!"**

**Xu Huang: He drives fine but Takasugi shares no words with him and the car remains quiet the entire ride.**

**"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say. You don't have a quirk unlike everyone else here and you're driving fine. Hey, you're debunking the "Asians are horrible drivers" cliche."**

**"That's racist."**

**"I know that! But that's what's flowing around here!"**

**Zhang Liao: He drives fine for a while until he crashes into a car. The person owning that car angrily yells at Zhang Liao.**

**"Hey! Do you have eyes?! Look what you did to my car! Stupid hat, by the way!" Zhang Liao's face turns red in anger and Takasugi tries to calm him.**

**"Ah, ah, ah! We'll be paying for that! Hehehe! Zhang Liao, let's go!"**

**"My pleasure!" Zhang Liao backs up the car to run over the person in anger. **

**"Why'd you do that?! And damn you learn fast!"**

**Xun Yu: He drives fine and he makes no conversation. "You're the new character here, so I can't figure you out yet. I'll assume you're Sima Yi without the fun."**

**"Isn't that Sima Yi now?"**

**"Ah-ha! Nice one! But he sort of is fun when you press the right buttons. He was the one who taught me video game characters can get horny, well, I learned the hard way through the cameras..."**

**"...I... don't need to know that..."**

**"Wow, you're just driving smoothly. I see nothing-" The car stops suddenly.**

**"Ow. Why'd you stop?" He looks over the windshield to see a family of ducks walking.**

**"Shouldn't you run these over? I mean, isn't that where your Peking duck comes from-Ow!" He bangs his head on the door when Xun Yu turns sharply with the car.**

**"Okay, it's a bit racist. Sorry." **

* * *

**Sun Jian: He drives normally for a while until he gets shot in the chest with an arrow.**

**"OH COME ON! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" Takasugi looks out the window to see the same McDonald's from earlier. He looks up and down again to make a face of confusion.  
**

**"WHAT?"**

**Sun Ce: He gets the hang of it and then races down the street with the windows down.**

**"AHHHH! Slow down!"**

**"But this thing can go faster than any horse! Whooo! I can drink this air like if it were boooze!"**

**"I hope the police don't impound this car because of this..."**

**Sun Quan: He drives normally but stays silent.**

**"Welp, I can't make any comment on you. You're too boring and you're too good at driving even for a dead man."**

**"That's because you're not giving me anything to work with!"**

**"Fine, you stole Cao Cao's haircut."**

**"No, I did not!"**

**"You can deny it all you want, but Cao Cao was the original guy to have the fish fins look going on."**

**Sun Shang Xiang: She drives very fast on the road.**

**"Oh my god! Just press down gently!"**

**"It feels so good just seeing everything fly past you!"**

**"Okay, if a police man pulls us over, you're on your own!"**

**Zhou Yu: He drives fine.**

**"Hey, at this rate you guys will debunk the "Asians are horrible drivers" stereotype. Seriously, I never thought you would learn that fast. Even now, teens can barely pass the first try."**

**"Maybe it's the fact your generation has the IQ of a door."**

**"Hey! That's Sima Yi's line! Don't take other people's lines!"**

**"Well, I barely had any lines or screentime whatsoever in the last game!"**

**"Yes, you did! You got a spot in the DW8 opening! That's top-notch screentime there! You were the first thing the player sees when they start the game!"**

**"It was only for five seconds, than Zhuge Liang's fan took over! And then Zhao Yun takes the entire set!" **

**"Koei has a boner for him, I know. But you spent a decent amount of time in Wu's story, I know it.**

**Lu Xun: He sets the car on fire for an unknown reason.**

**"How did you even do that?! Everything you touch turns into burnt s*bleep*!"**

**"I don't know! Hey, is that gas leaking out of there?" The car explodes.**

**"Oh my god... Luckily, this wasn't my car."**

**Taishi Ci: He has to help Takasugi push that burnt scrap pile to a junkyard. He also helped steal a car for him.**

**"Just take that."**

**"Doesn't that belong to anyone?"**

**"Nope. Can you also pry off that plate? You're driving."**

**Gan Ning: He drives recklessly and can't drive shtick.**

**"And we're back down to the Asians are horrible drivers thing again."**

**"Hey! That's racist!"**

**"Well, you're proving it right!" A loud thud was heard.**

**"You hit a dog!"**

**"Phhsh, there are more dogs out here, right? No one's gonna miss one dog."**

**Lu Meng: He spends time questioning the controls while driving.**

**"What's this stick thing here?"**

**"It just activates the wipers." Lu Meng pulls the stick and the the wipers move up and down to smear blood over the windshield.**

**"Ah! What happened before?!"**

**"Gan Ning was in here before and he hit a dog."**

**"Oh, makes sense."**

**"I suggest deactivate those."**

**Huang Gai: The car was caught in traffic.**

**"Ugh, I hate it when this happens."**

**"I have an idea."**

**"Wait, wait!" Huang Gai goes out to pick up the car and hop on car roofs to get past traffic.**

**"This really defeats the purpose of you guys DRIVING!"**

**Han Dang: He stays quiet while driving fine.**

**"That's a red light. You have to stop there."**

**"But there isn't anyone crossing! Why stop for nothing?" He drives past the red light and hits the fender of a car. The person owning that car gets out to yell at Han Dang.**

**"Stupid old man! Why can't you just stay home and have them revoke your license?" Han Dang boils in anger and opens his door powerfully, knocking away that person away from the car. He gets out and a loud yelling was heard. Loud punches were heard. Han Dang gets back into the car with a normal expression.**

**"You... okay?"**

**"Yes, I'm fine."**

**"Okay, drive this thing back."**

**Lu Su: He drives with some trouble but gets the hang of it.**

**"This thing has so much damage. What happened to it?"**

**"You wouldn't believe the trips I have with everyone here and it's just Wu..."**

**Ling Tong: The car was on the road and it swerves around.**

**"This is much harder to use than a horse. A thing here and there, I think I'd prefer a horse."**

**"Go out the exit there." A car pulls up near them and a man catcalls Ling Tong.**

**"Hey, baby! What about you and I... go...?" **

**"What?"**

**"Oh my god! It's a dude!" That car speeds away from the car. Takasugi turns his head to snicker.**

**"Hey! Not funny!"**

**"Sorry, you really do look like a woman from behind!"**

**Zhou Tai: He and Takasugi exchange no words as he drives normally.**

**"Well, I don't know what to say here. What'd you expect me to do? He's a brick!"**

**Lian Shi: She drives decently and sirens are heard.**

**"Oh no! It's the police!"**

**"What do I do?"**

**"Whip them out!"**

**"What?"**

**"Your ta-tas! Let's hope this officer isn't a woman or gay!"**

**"WHAT?"**

**"It's the only way out! I'm gonna hide in the back! You do what you need to do!" **

**Xiao Qiao: She and Takasugi sit in the car in silence.**

**"Yeah, I'm not letting my life fall into the hands of a kid. You're not driving."**

**"AWWWW! Why?!"**

**"Because you'll kill me!" **

**"I'll kill you if you don't let me use this automatic carriage!"**

**"Fine, around the block and back. And it's a CAR. C-A-R."**

***few minutes later***

**"Yay! Yay! That was fun!" The car was in shambles and Takasugi falls out of the car groaning.**

**Da Qiao: She couldn't drive properly since the car was nearly destroyed.**

**"What happened to this thing?"**

**"Your sister happened... Ugh... My head..."**

**Zhu Ran: The car explodes from him touching it.  
**

**"...I'm not going to even react."**

**"I didn't know! I swear!"**

**"I know... I know.. Oh well, that car was already s*bleep* anyway."**

* * *

**Zhang Fei: He helps Takasugi steal another car.**

**"Are you sure this doesn't belong to anyone?"**

**"Ah, cars are so cheaply made, the companies are practically giving them away."**

**"Alright..."**

**"Just carry that to the HQ."**

**Liu Bei: He drives awful.**

**"Why are you swerving? This is a straight road!"**

**"I don't want hit the other people."**

**"Oh come on, they're only on the sidewalk! Or maybe that sideview mirror is tricking you."**

**Guan Yu: He can't fit into the car and had to be bent over while driving. **

**"To think I had to be riding horses all this time... This is very efficient."**

**"Well... these things require fuel..."**

**"You can't just feed it food?"**

**"It's not living, so no..."**

**Zhao Yun: He drives fine. For a while.**

**"You're doing great. Now I know you can make it to the conventions without us driving you-Hey, where are you going?" The car drives towards the freeway and it starts to speed up.**

**"Hey, hey! What are you planning to do?'**

**"I saw this sweet ramp over there!"**

**"Wait, wait! No!" The car races down the freeway, knocking away other cars to head towards a part of the freeway that didn't have a rail. He drives off the freeway, making the car be up in the air for a moment.**

**"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU CAN'T DIE, BUT I CAN! Oh god, I think this is God punishing me for running over those hookers in GTA!" The car lands hard against the ground and Zhao Yun drives the car towards the ramp to have the car fly up towards the sky again.**

**"Whooooo! This is so much better with this! A horse can't keep up!"**

**"I'M GONNA S*BLEEP* MY PANTS!" The car lands hard again, having it shatter into pieces. Zhao Yun pops out of the metal. **

**"WHOO! WHO'S UP FOR ROUND TWO?!" Takasugi crawls out shaking.**

**"Note to self: Never let Zhao Yun take the wheel. Even if the driver is a minor... You... You're getting me a new car..."**

**Zhuge Liang: The car powers down during the session. Takasugi at this time was still shaking.**

**"Uh-huh-huhhhuh... huhuh..."**

**"What's wrong with you?"**

**"Uhu-huhhhu I almost died... Zhao Yun... is crazy... The car needs... huhuh... some charge in its... battery...huhuhuhu..."**

**"What do I need to do?"**

**"Just... huhuhuh... channel your electricity into the battery pack in the car... huhhuh..."**

**Yue Ying: She drives fine until the car stops again.**

**"I'll get it."**

**"Are you sure you don't need any...?" Yue Ying gets out of the carand a few minutes later the car works.**

**"...How in the world...Ah, I give up. DW has a frickin' gun and fire cannons, who am I to question anyone in DW?"**

**Jiang Wei: He complains with Takasugi not being Zhuge Liang.**

**"I want Prime Minister here."**

**"Well, too bad! Just start up the car!"**

**Pang Tong: He drives bad with him trying to fall asleep in the seat every minute.**

**"Wake up! You'll crash into some McDonald's here!" **

**"Nnghh..." He really falls asleep and the car swerves off onto the sidewalk and crashes into a cafe.**

**Xu Shu: He was shaking and this made the car shake along with him.**

**"I feel like I'm in those massage chairs... Seriously, you won't hit anyone! They're smart enough to get out of the way!"**

**"I heard when you get into these things, you have a chance of death!"**

**"That's if you suck at driving. Now mush!"**

**Huang Zhong: He drives like any elderly person. Slowly.**

**"I know there's nothing wrong with the car. It's you." The cars behind them were honking loudly and yelling.**

**Ma Chao: He complains constantly on how the car isn't a horse.**

**"How is this better than a good old steed? You can't love a... piece of metal powered by oil!"**

**"Well, these can't die and can keep going as long as you want it too."**

**"Nope, not buying it. And I'm not driving this thing." He gets out of the car without even using it.**

**Ma Dai: He plays with the radio as he drives.**

**"I don't know why Cousin doesn't like this. This can play music without a whole band in front of you!" **

**"I'm gonna switch-"**

**"I like this tune!"**

**"You're the guest, I-"**

**"Driver's choice."**

**"Oh, you already knew about that... Huff... go ahead."**

**Wei Yan: He drives well and talks normally.**

**"We're the only ones in here, so go ahead and use your regular voice."**

**"Thank god, my throat hurts from making the deep grunts. I'm glad I can use my regular voice now without no hesitation." Xu Shu pops out from the backseat.**

**"Ohhgghh... Did I hear Wei Yan talk normal-" Wei Yan punches him unconscious and he looks around with paranoid eyes.**

**"I... hope... no one... else... saw that..."**

**Liu Shan: The moment he starts up the car, he crashes into Koei HQ's lobby.**

**"Maybe if you take your arms out of your sleeves, you can use the wheel..."**

**"I thought you just step and go."**

**"It doesn't work that way."**

**Guan Xing: He does the best out of the Guans.**

**"You did everything right. I'm impressed, considering my day with everyone before you."**

**"How was it?"**

**"You know, it'll be a very long drive if I can tell you on Wei and Wu's way of driving."**

**Guan Suo: He was the worst. He drove off the freeway even though there was a railing.**

**"You're lucky this car has airbags or else I'll decode your ass with my vengeful spirit..."**

**"Hey, I was trying my best!"**

**"This was your best? We'll never let you drive then.**

**Guan Ping: He was so-so.**

**"You were off a few lights and had a fender bender. Not as bad with Guan Suo." **

**"That guy just stopped! How was I supposed to know?"  
**

**"That's why the red light sits up there. And you running over the angry driver didn't help either."**

**Guan Yinping: Just about Guan Xing's level. She just pulled off the wheel. Along with the dashboard.**

**"You frickin' destroyed the dashboard... huff..."**

**"I was doing my best! Not my fault these things come apart like so easily!"**

**"This is a Japanese-made car. Damaging it would require some effort. You did it without blinking. And you can't even remove the dashboard with some effort!"**

**Bao Sanniang: She drives with the car zig-zaging on the road. Takasugi turns green and pukes out the window.**

**"Okay...! Stop doing that!" A loud thud and a screech was heard.**

**"Was that a cat...?"**

**"Oh no! I killed a cat! Uhhuhuhhuh!" She cries uncontrollably and the car swerves around. Takasugi quickly takes the wheel to drive the car safely.**

**Xing Cai: She drives fine and comments on the blood on the hood.**

**"Who or what did you kill before?"**

**"Ahahha... A cat."**

**"A cat wouldn't spew that much blood though."**

**"Guan Ping hit someone on "accident"."**

**"Aw, I expected more out of him."**

**"... Yeeeah."**

**Fa Zheng: He wanted to kill someone who insulted the car and compared it to his face. **

**"Oh, for hell's sake! You guys are so sensitive!"**

**"This man is going to get his just deserts! And I always make sure people get them!" A loud thud and a yell was heard.**

**"There."**

**"This car didn't need a new paint job!"**

**"This thing looks better in red anyway."**

* * *

**Sima Yi: His hat was smooshed between the roof and his head as he was driving. He hits too many people on "accident".**

**"This thing is a mess. What happened to it before?"**

**"Shu happened."**

**"Oh, that explains it." A person is seen tumbling over the hood. **

**"Sorry." He hits another person.**

**"Sorry." He hits a dog.**

**"Sorry."**

**"Sima Yi, I know you well enough to know any apology you make is either half-assed or just you being you and be totally sarcastic. Anyway, time's up. Drive back to the HQ." The car drives back to the Koei building lot and Sima Yi runs over Sima Zhao.**

**"What was that? Did a gorilla escape the zoo or something?"**

**"I am not even going to say it. What did he do?" **

**"He broke my favorite-"**

**"You have a favorite thing? I didn't know you CAN have a favorite thing. Is it your hat?"**

**"No! It's my favorite-"  
**

**"Teddy bear?"**

**"NO! It's my favorite fan!"**

**"Oh! Darn it! That was my next guess! Which one? The giant black feather duster or the actually nice purple one?"**

**"The nice one."**

**"Oh. Well. Then I don't feel anything for the body under us right now." Sima Zhao groans and climbs up with his arms on the hood.**

**"Father... Why did you-"**

**"DON'T YOU "FATHER" ME, YOU LITTLE S*BLEEP*!"**

**Sima Shi: His eye makes a huge blind spot for himself.**

**"You have a really big blind spot. Wait, can you actually see through that eye or...?"**

**"No."**

**"I can still see your eye open."**

**"But I can't actually see through it."**

**"How are you driving fine right now then?"**

**"Am I?" Takasugi looks out the window to see the car was burrowed into the wall of a building. **

**"Stop pressing that pad and back up." When they got back, Sima Shi runs over Sima Zhao.**

**"What did I hit?"**

**"Your brother."**

**"Oh. Take that!" **

**"Let me guess, he ate your meatbun."**

**"No. He destroyed my favorite-"**

**"Teddy meatbun?"**

**"No! My favorite sword!"**

**"...Well... What's so special about the sword?"**

**"I killed Cao Shaung with it."**

**"...Hehehehe... Okay. I will not question that." Sima Zhao groans and crawls from under the car.**

**"Why did you do that, Brother-"**

**"DON'T YOU "BROTHER" ME, YOU LITTLE S*BLEEP*!"**

**Sima Zhao: When he drives the car, it slowly comes apart. The frame and wheels were all that was left.**

**"Sima Yi was right. Everything you touch breaks. Well, you're big and strong, so help me get a new car."**

**"I was trying really hard-"**

**"You didn't put a rat's ass into this and it fell apart faster than Sima Yi's spine during sex."**

**"How would you know...?"**

**"Hidden cameras. And I catch many things that were not put into the game and that's your private lives. I've seen Sima Yi's encounters and he has a couple of times break his hips or back during this time."**

**"Encounters?"**

**"Well, the only encounter he's getting is your mom."**

**"Hey! Oh wait, that's true..."**

**"This is the only time when I say "your mom" it actually makes sense and not a 80's comeback."**

**Zhang Chunhua: She was driving that new car Sima Zhao stole. **

**"Just keep out of the left lane. For some reason, if you're a woman and you somehow got onto there, people will get pissed."**

**"I don't understand why would I need to use this thing. I'm dead."**

**"I'm surprised you even understand that you're dead. Ish." Sirens are heard behind them. **

**"It's the po-po! I'm gonna go in the back! You use your boobs to get out of jail!" Takasugi hops into the back.**

**"Wait, what?"**

***few minutes later***

**The two stay silent throughout the drive.**

**"I feel so ashamed..."**

**"You wear that almost-dress for the entire series! Ashamed my ass! But those boobs of yours finally have a practical use now. Other than making fat-ass otakus jizz their pants and for Sima Yi to stop getting yaoi doujins when he searches up his name."**

**"They still show up."**

**"I know that. Because yaoi never dies. Even if the zombie apocalypse happens, all of that yaoi stays. And that is the reason why aliens won't visit us."**

**Wang Yuanji: She was driving great until random cars began to follow her.**

**"Who are those behind us?"**

**"Oh no! It's the paparazzi!"**

**"I'm not famous!"**

**"The Famitsu paparazzi! Drive! Drive! They don't need to know we managed to get you guys into the real world!" **

***Famitsu is a popular Japanese video game magazine***

**Zhong Hui: He just sits there.**

**"Hello? You drive this thing."**

**"I have to transport myself? Huff! I'm out of here!" He gets out of the car in a huff.**

**"..."**

**Deng Ai: He gets in, but has to be bent over.**

**"Hey, drive towards Zhong Hui over there." **

**"Why?"**

**"You're not going to hit him, you'll just tap him." He does that and Zhong Hui was seen tumbling over the hood and a loud thud was heard.**

**"Whoops."**

**"That was intentional. But nice shot. Yeah! Take that! Serves him right for killing you at Chengdu!"**

**Guo Huai: He can't see the road right and ends up swerving around.**

**"You need glasses?"**

**"I'm used to a horse doing the moving."**

**"Why are you swerving around then?"**

**"This wheel is hard to turn." He turns hard on an intersection and he snaps it off. **

**"...Uh-oh." The car crashes into a building.**

**Wen Yang: He was bent over in that car.**

**"That looks really uncomfortable. I'll cut this session short since I don't want you to get scoliosis." A loud creak was heard. Wen Yang's head then breaks through the roof and his body could sit straight in that position.**

**"Ah! I broke through!"**

**"Cool, you look like that dinosaur on the Flintstones. He pops his head out of that prehistoric car's roof all the time. I doubt anyone can understand this reference anyway..."**

**Jia Chong: He runs over people with much of Takasugi's dismay.**

**"Hey! Hey! Are listening?! Just because you ran over those people in that GTA game I let you play doesn't mean it works here!"**

**"It's just so hilarious watching these people flail around as I hit them. They make the most funniest expressions. Ooh! Look at that one! He just did a flying cartwheel after I hit him!"**

**"But these are REAL people!"**

**Zhuge Dan: He drives fine until a police car drives by them.**

**"Oh no. And you're not a woman!" The car stops and the officer goes over to them.**

**"You have any idea how many red lights you past?" The door pops open to hit him and he falls on the ground. Zhuge Dan gets out to pin him down and handcuffs him. He hops back into the car to drive away.**

**"...What just happened? Is it irony?"**

**"I got scared and panicked! Was that the correct thing to do?"**

**"...Any normal person couldn't do that... But good job."**

**Xiahou Ba: He needs two phonebooks to sit on in order to be able to properly drive.  
**

**"Hahahaha! This is too funny to watch! Hahaha!"**

**"Shut up!"**

**"I'm sorry. I'm laughing at the fact that I still have a phonebook. Two in that matter. Also, you look adorably hilarious sitting on them."**

* * *

**Lu Bu: He had to bent over and his shoulders really took a lot of space.**

**"Wow, you're bigger than this car!" The car moves slowly down the road due to Lu Bu's weight. Another police car chases after them.**

**"Oh no! They are really cracking down on us!" The police car was driving next to them.**

**"Pull over!"**

**"Ha! I don't need to take this from these guys!" Lu Bu turns the car into the police cruiser, his weight knocking them off the road. **

**"I'm sorry, but that position has to be somewhat painful."**

**"It it... And my armor isn't making it any better..."**

**Diao Chan: She was driving fine, but she caused accidents with the people behind the car.**

**"They should keep their eyes on the road and not at your boobs."**

**"How can they see that far?"**

**"Rubbernecking can get any man a view of any woman."**

**Yuan Shao: He just sits there.**

**"Hello?! Do you see the wheel? Put your hands on it!"**

**"Ugh! I have to transport myself? Why don't you do it?"**

**"It defeats the whole purpose of even calling you to here."**

**"Fine. How do you use this thing?"**

**"Just press that pad and control where you go with the wheel." He does that and the car zigzags back and forth to crash into the Koei building.**

**"You don't just turn the wheel back and forth!"**

**Zhang Jiao: He makes funny hand gestures to the car wheel as the car goes on the road.**

**"What are you doing? Put your hands on the wheel!"**

**"I'm trying to concentrate! Hmmm..."**

**"We'll crash if you don't put your hands on the wheel!"**

**"I can use my magic to keep this thing from hitting anything!" **

**"Uh-oh." Takasugi jumps into the backseat and the front of the car crashes hard into the side of a building. **

**"I think I'm supposed to tell you your magic doesn't work here..."**

**Meng Huo: His back was bent and he can't turn the wheel well since his shoulders took space in the car. **

**Dong Zhou: He was ran over by Meng Huo. **

**"Who did I hit?"**

**"Oh no, you're off with the parking. Please back up." The car backs up to hit Dong Zhou again. **

**"What was that?"**

**"Nothing. There. You're good at parallel parking. Good job." **

**Zhu Rong: She runs over Dong Zhou unknowingly as she was driving out of the lot.**

**"What was that?"**

**"Nothing. Just some bag of garbage. Don't worry about it."**

**Zuo Ci: He just sits there.**

**"You said this was automatic."**

**"I didn't actually meant it that way! I thought you were wise! And you can't use your magic to make the car move by itself."**

**Lu Lingqi: When the car starts up, she punches the wheel off because she was startled. **

**"Well, I have an idea for a substitute..." Lu Lingqi has to drive with her weapon as the steering wheel.**

**"Just keep your fingers off the blades and this'll work just fine."**

**"How is this possible? This weapon is almost larger than me, let alone this automatic carriage."**

**"Ah, Japan. You have to have a large-ass weapon in order to really fit in into the video game community. I should consider customizing my car wheel to look like this, but smaller. Anyway, we shouldn't question how is thing fits and is able to turn in this car."**

**Chen Gong: It was a disaster. **

**"When Xun Yu said you're slow, I thought he was exaggerating."**

**"Hey! I'm trying my best here! Now, how do you make this thing go?" **

**"Just press that thin pad down there. Avoid crashing into the lobby." Chen Gong presses the pad and the car ends up in the Koei building's third floor's window.**

**"HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK? ARE YOU A GLITCH?!"**


End file.
